


just breathe

by demxrian



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Space, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Anxiety, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-03 18:24:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13346922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demxrian/pseuds/demxrian
Summary: Jongin is about to graduate from Padawan to Jedi Knight and the transition is a little hard. Luckily, he's got Kyungsoo by his side.





	just breathe

**Author's Note:**

> major thanks to cc for being my light in the dark, i love you.

Jongin presses the call button for the turbolift, then waits. His stomach twists with anxiety -- anxiety about his impending knighting ceremony, anxiety about leaving the care of his master, anxiety about the uncertain future. 

The turbolift arrives with a chime, and as soon as the doors part Jongin steps inside. As it rises, taking him to the top of the Tranquility Spire, the transparisteel windows showcase a beautiful mosaic detailing the history of the Jedi Order. Over the years, he has admired every inch of the seemingly endless mosaic; right now, it passes by him in a colorful blur. He brings his right hand to his hip, and runs the tips of his fingers down the hilt of his lightsaber. The familiar touch helps steady him. 

The turbolift arrives at the top of the Tranquility Spire and when the doors slide open Jongin steps out onto the veranda. Deep blue carpeting covers the gold brick floor and several wide, sweeping staircases lead to private mediation rooms. At the far end of the veranda, the entrance to the Hall of Knighthood stands, waiting for him. 

Anxiety grips his heart like a vice, holding him in place, but he remembers his master’s words -- _You will face hardships and uncertainty, and you won’t always know what to do. Remembering to stop for a moment and breathe will do wonders to help get you through difficult times_ \-- and takes a deep breath. Then he takes another. 

Knighting Ceremonies are a good thing, he reminds himself. Master Yesung believes he’s ready; the High Council believes he’s ready. And it’s not as though he’ll be sent off on missions alone; he’ll have a partner. Someone who will have his back. As he makes his way toward the Hall of Knighthood, one step at a time, he continues repeating these reassuring thoughts. He will be fine. He has earned the title of Jedi Knight. _He will be fine._ Slowly, the paralyzing anxiety holding his body hostage turns from ice to a loose sludge; it doesn’t disappear, but he’s able to work through it. 

He enters the Hall with his head held high. 

Silence holds the Hall of Knighthood in its delicate grasp. Standing in a circle in the middle of the room are the Jedi Masters of the High Council, and all but Grand Master Boa have the hoods of their ceremonial robes pulled up over their heads, unignited lightsabers held out in front of them. As Jongin approaches, they ignite them in unison. Various shades of green, blue, even purple welcome him, all exuding levels of power and grace that Jongin can only hope to one day achieve. 

Jongin comes to a stop in the middle of the circle, surrounded by the light of a dozen lit lightsabers. Grand Master Boa stands across from him, welcoming him with a smile. She nods toward the ground and Jongin takes the cue, deftly dropping to his knees in front of her. 

She activates her own lightsaber, a shade of brilliant purple, and begins the ceremony. 

"We are all Jedi. The Force speaks through us. Through our actions, the Force proclaims itself and what is real. Today we are here to acknowledge what the Force has proclaimed. Padawan Jongin," Boa says, bringing her lightsaber down to hover above Jongin’s left shoulder, then his right, "by the right of the Council, by the will of the Force, I name you Jedi, Knight of the Republic."

As she finishes her sentence, she severs Jongin’s padawan braid with the lightsaber. It falls to the floor, and the stench of burnt hair fills the air; in that moment, a sense of finality settles over the room. 

Boa takes a step back. Jongin takes a deep breath, then raises his head to meet her gaze; her eyes are bright, filled with unadulterated warmth and pride, and Jongin’s breath catches in his throat. It strikes him, then -- he is a Jedi Knight, tested and approved by the High Council. All of his insecurities, anxieties, and self-doubt had blinded him to the fact that he has the support of everyone in this room. They believe in him. They trust him. 

The silence that follows the severance of his padawan braid is a natural part of the ceremony, and Jongin finds peace in it. Wordlessly, he picks up the thin bundle of hair and climbs to his feet. Behind Grand Master Boa, his master -- no, _former_ master -- waits, hood still pulled up over his head. Jongin walks toward Master Yesung with a newfound confidence, and presents the braid with a bow. Master Yesung takes it, silence in the air between them, but when Jongin comes up from his bow he sees nothing but pride, love, and joy in Yesung’s face. Jongin smiles back; they may not be teacher and student anymore, but Yesung will always be there for him. 

Tomorrow, he will receive his first official orders as a Jedi Knight. Today, however, is his to celebrate. With a short bow to the rest of the High Council, Jongin turns and leaves the Hall of Knighthood.

☆ 

When Jongin exits the turbolift and steps onto the ground floor of the temple, he finds Kyungsoo waiting for him. For a moment, he doesn't believe it.

“I thought you were on a mission?” Jongin says, shocked. Kyungsoo had left a week prior to settle a diplomatic dispute in the Outer Regions; the factions in question were classified, so there was no way of knowing where he'd been sent or for how long he'd be gone, and Jongin hadn't expected him to return so soon. 

Kyungsoo smiles, eyes creasing at the corners, and it's the most gorgeous smile Jongin has ever seen. “I was,” Kyungsoo answers, “but delegations ended quickly and when I heard you were to be knighted, I returned as fast as I could. I wouldn't have missed today for anything.”

Warmth spreads through Jongin’s chest and he can't help but grin. “I’m glad you're here,” he admits, a little shyer than he'd anticipated. “It means a lot, Kyungsoo. Thank you.”

“What are friends for?” Kyungsoo reaches up and puts his hand on Jongin’s shoulder. It's warm, steady, comforting. “I’ve been at your side since we were younglings, and I’ll remain here long after we’re old and grey-haired.”

Jongin snorts. He imagines himself and Kyungsoo as elders… life in the Jedi Order is fraught with danger, and there's no guarantee they'll both live long enough to make that thought a reality. Regardless, it's comforting to have the reassurance that Kyungsoo is there, and will be there, for him. 

Kyungsoo takes his hand off Jongin’s shoulder. “Have you already moved into your new quarters?”

Kyungsoo’s question catches Jongin off guard. With all of the anxiety over his knighting ceremony, moving into the Knight’s Billet had slipped his mind. Over the course of the past week, he had packed up his belongings and prepared for the move, but it had been the last thing on his mind today. 

“Not yet,” Jongin answers. He rubs the back of his neck, suddenly sheepish. “I kind of forgot.”

“Would you like some help? I have the day free.”

Jongin’s smile returns. “I’d love that.”

☆ 

Padawans traditionally don't have many belongings; all of Jongin’s possessions from the past ten years fit neatly into two medium-sized boxes. Kyungsoo takes one and Jongin takes the other, and together they head to his new accommodations in the Knight’s Billet. It's likely he won't spend a lot of time in his new quarters -- most Jedi Knights spend the majority of their time off Coruscant completing missions for the Council -- but it's still a huge step. He'd spent the last ten years living with his former master, Yesung. Now he's on his own.

“It takes some time to get used to,” Kyungsoo says as they walk together. “When you've lived with someone for so long…” He trails off for a moment, a wistful, faraway look in his eyes. “It can feel really lonely, you know?” 

Jongin shakes his head. “It still hasn't hit me.”

“I didn't understand until I was alone, truly alone, for the first time. The first couple of nights I kept expecting to hear my master snoring in the room next to mine, but there was nothing except silence.” Kyungsoo looks at Jongin then, really looks at him, and there's something so earnest, so tender, in his gaze it makes Jongin’s chest clench. “If you need anything, I’m here for you, okay? Even if it's just to talk or to have someone around. The transition can be rough, but it doesn't have to be.”

Jongin is silent for a moment. As they step into the turbolift that’ll take them up to the tenth floor, where the Jedi Knights reside, Jongin says, “Thanks, Kyungsoo. I’m… nervous? But excited. But still nervous. It’s weird.” 

Kyungsoo laughs. “It's normal.” The turbolift chimes then, announcing their arrival to the Knight’s Billet on the tenth floor. Kyungsoo steps out of the lift and then turns slightly so he can see Jongin again. “Do you know where your new rooms are?”

“That… would be important to know, wouldn't it,” Jongin says, slowly. He pauses right outside the lift, looking around at the entry lounge. Several unfamiliar knights mill around either sitting together on the spread out couches, laughing over a drink, or otherwise relaxing. None of them pay him any attention, which Jongin is grateful for. “I think it was C-94?”

“That's this way,” Kyungsoo says, leading Jongin along the edge of the lounge and down a bright corridor. “I’m only a few doors down, actually. C-88.”

Even though Kyungsoo’s back is to him, Jongin can't help but grin. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Who else is nearby?” Jongin half-wonders if youngling cohorts are grouped together once they reach knighthood; Baekhyun, Soojung, Seulgi, Chanyeol… so many of the people he’d grown up with had been knighted before him. 

“Seulgi and Hoseok are in the apartments between us,” Kyungsoo answers. “Soojung, Yoongi, and Minah are directly across the hall.” 

Jongin is relieved to find out his theory is correct. “And what about Baekhyun? Sunyoung? Chanyeol?”

“All in the same hall.” Kyungsoo slows down and comes to a stop in front of a door. The plaque next to it reads ‘C-94’ and nervous excitement bubbles in Jongin’s stomach. Kyungsoo hefts the box he's carrying onto his hip, then nods his head toward the door. “Want to do the honors?”

Jongin’s hands are also tied up with a box, so he sends a whisper of a command through the Force. The door opens inward, and instead of the plain, empty rooms he’d been expecting to see, Jongin is greeted by colorful decorations and a group of people rushing forward to congratulate him. 

It's overwhelming at first; Jongin isn't sure what to do with all of the attention on him. He sees everyone Kyungsoo had named in the hall -- Baekhyun and Seulgi make silly faces at him while Hoseok and Chanyeol raise a “Congratulations, Jedi Knight Jongin!!!!!” sign in the air using the Force. 

Jongin is speechless. He stands in the doorway, Kyungsoo still in the hallway behind him, and stares at all of his friends. “I… What.”

Soojung steps toward him, taking the box out of his arms with a smile and a soft “proud of you,” and then Kyungsoo is gently pushing him forward, encouraging Jongin to join the celebration. 

“So, Knight Jongin,” Chanyeol says, throwing his arm around Jongin’s shoulder as he leads them both into the throng of excited people, “which trial was the worst?”

“As much as we’d all like to hear about the suffering Jongin was put through, perhaps that can wait until later,” Yoongi interjects before Jongin has the chance to answer. Jongin flashes him a grateful smile, and Yoongi nods back. “Tonight is Jongin’s last night of freedom before the council sends his ass to who-knows-where.”

“Thanks, Yoongi. That really changes the mood.”

Yoongi grins at Jongin’s light-hearted sarcasm. “No problem,” he says. “What are friends for?”

“Not that.” Sunyoung’s voice is clear and bright, and when Jongin turns his head he sees her sitting atop the counter of his half-kitchen area. Unlike the rest of his friends, all clad in traditional Jedi robes of varying shades of brown and beige, she's wearing a plain dark shirt and soft black pants with a blaster holster strapped to her thigh. Her hair, normally pulled up in a high ponytail, is pulled back in a loose braid instead. When Jongin raises an eyebrow, she smiles. “Undercover mission,” Sunyoung explains. “I’ll be leaving in a few minutes.”

Chanyeol’s attention is diverted by something, or more likely _someone_ in the corner of the room, and he pulls away from Jongin. As soon as his arm leaves Jongin’s shoulder, Jongin takes the opportunity to head over to Sunyoung. “I suppose you can't say where?” 

She shakes her head. “Not a chance. I was supposed to have left earlier tonight, but I couldn't leave without giving you a proper goodbye.”

“Bring me back a souvenir?”

Sunyoung is beautiful when she smiles. “I always do.” She hops off the counter, her smile wavering slightly. “I should probably get going before Master Songqian leaves without me.”

“Be safe. And may the Force be with you.”

“And you.” At that, Sunyoung heads to the door, pausing only to pull Soojung into a tight hug, whispering something into her ear as she does. Jongin watches her leave, and hopes she’ll be successful. Sunyoung is a powerful Force user, and a masterful lightsaber combatant; she can take care of herself. That knowledge helps ease his worry, but only slightly. 

“I’ve heard she might start looking for a Padawan soon,” comes a voice from beside him. Jongin knows it's Kyungsoo without looking; they're remarkably attuned to each other through the Force. If he hadn't been in a shocked stupor after his knighting ceremony earlier, he would've sensed Kyungsoo waiting for him outside the turbolift. 

“Can you imagine a youngling calling her Master Sunyoung?” Jongin asks, shifting his weight so he can lean against Kyungsoo. 

Kyungsoo welcomes Jongin into his space, even wraps his arm around Jongin’s waist to pull him closer against his side. “In a few years there'll be a little one calling _you_ master, too.”

Jongin can't wait. He loves children. Sometimes he visits the creche just to spend time with the younglings -- they always swarm him with delighted laughter while Master Seungho looks on with a fond, yet exasperated, expression. “I hope so.”

“I know so.”

☆ 

The rest of the night passes without incident. Jongin gets the chance to listen to his friends tell stories of their Jedi Trials and he shares his own. Everyone commiserates over the Trial of Isolation; even though every trial is unique to the padawan undergoing it, the themes are universal.

Kyungsoo ends up kicking everyone out once it gets late. “Jongin receives his first mission tomorrow,” he reminds them all, “so get out. He needs to rest.”

“Are you planning on coming with us? Or are you staying behind?” Baekhyun asks, grinning lecherously. “I doubt Jongin will get the rest he needs if you're here to tire him out.” 

Kyungsoo pushes Baekhyun out the door with a wave of his hand and the help of the Force. “Get out of here, you creep.”

Baekhyun’s laughter can be heard from the hall. 

Jongin watches Kyungsoo, fond. As soon as the door closes, and they're finally alone, Jongin speaks up. “You two are ridiculous.”

“I’m not the ridiculous one,” Kyungsoo says with a snort. “Baekhyun is as kind-hearted as they come, and yet he chooses to rile me up. On _purpose_. He's incorrigible.”

“Yeah, like I said. You two are ridiculous.”

Kyungsoo pointedly ignores him. “You should sleep soon. The council wants you to meet them at ten.”

It’s strange to think about how in a little less than twelve hours, Jongin will have his first mission as a Jedi Knight. The council could send him practically anywhere in the galaxy; while senior knights and masters occasionally have the luxury of requesting missions that they have a personal interest in, newly knighted Jedi don't have that option. 

“Will you…” Jongin pauses. He’s not sure if Kyungsoo has plans, or if he’ll even be here in the morning. It doesn't hurt to ask, though, so Jongin takes a breath and speaks again. “Will you walk with me? To the council chambers, I mean.”

Kyungsoo’s expression softens, then he smiles. “Of course. Knowing you, you'd probably sleep through the meeting without someone making sure you got there on time.”

A warm, embarrassed flush spreads across the back of Jongin’s neck even as relief settles comfortably like a weighted blanket on his shoulders. “I hate that you're right,” he says. “See you in the morning, then?”

Kyungsoo nods, lingering in the doorway for a second before stepping out into the hall. “See you then, Jongin.” 

Once he's gone, Jongin shuts the door and finds himself alone for the first time in… a while. Silence weighs heavy in the air around him, but it's not intrusive nor is it uninviting. It simply _is_. And while it's something new Jongin will have to grow accustomed to, its existence is not altogether unwelcomed. 

Even in silence he’s not alone; he’s surrounded by the Force.

☆ 

Ten comes far too early for Jongin’s liking. He stumbles out of bed, into the first clean set of robes he could find, and out into the hallway where Kyungsoo is waiting.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” Kyungsoo says, amused. 

Jongin rubs his eyes with a groan. “Morning.” He frowns. His trials had taken more out of him than he’d thought and the exhaustion had finally caught up with him. His body feels heavy and sluggish. “I know it’s not really that early, but I just want to go back to sleep. Do you think the council would notice if I just… didn’t show up?” 

Kyungsoo shakes his head. With an exasperated sigh, he grabs Jongin by the elbow and pulls him down the hall. “Yes,” he says. “They’d notice. And then they’d send you to some empty, backwater planet as punishment.” 

“As long as I get to sleep, I don’t think I’d mind.” 

Kyungsoo sends him a look. “You can rest _after_ your briefing.” 

“Fine,” Jongin grumbles. Kyungsoo lets go of his elbow once they reach the turbolift that’ll take them to the ground floor of the temple, and as Jongin stands there, waiting for the lift to arrive, it hits him. 

He’s going on a mission. As a padawan, he’d accompanied Yesung on countless missions, mostly diplomatic or of an investigative nature. Since Yesung has a way with words, and people, the council had taken that into consideration when they placed him somewhere. Jongin wonders where they’ll send him, now that he’s a knight and no longer under Yesung’s tutelage. 

The turbolift marks its arrival with a chime, and Jongin shuffles in after Kyungsoo. They lapse into a comfortable silence as Jongin leans against Kyungsoo, worming his way into Kyungsoo’s space. Kyungsoo says nothing, but he radiates contentment through the Force.

Jongin stays glued to Kyungsoo’s side the entire time they traverse the temple grounds. As they grow closer to the council chambers, Jongin’s heart begins to race. His anxiety spikes when the chamber doors come into view; they're guarded by two Jedi who remain still and impassive as Jongin and Kyungsoo approach. 

They pause a few feet in front of the doors and Jongin takes a deep breath to steady himself. 

“You'll be fine,” Kyungsoo says, giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “They won't give you a mission you aren't capable of completing. Just breathe.”

“You’re right.” Jongin flashes him a grateful smile then squares his shoulders and walks through the doors, ready to face the council. 

Not all of the masters are in the council chamber; Jiyong, Donghae, and Chaerin are absent, presumably off on missions of their own. The remaining members of the council are arranged in a semicircle, and Boa sits in the middle, the picture of serenity. She welcomes him with a smile and a tip of her head. “Hello, Knight Jongin.” 

Jongin bows. “Master Boa.” 

“You have shown great promise working alongside Master Yesung,” she says. “As such, we are confident in your abilities and have chosen to assign you a mission we would not otherwise give to a newly-appointed knight. We have heard rumors of suspicious activity around the Corellian starship factories. Someone has been commissioning ships off-record, and your mission is to discover who, and why.” Boa frowns. “While it is possible this is nothing to worry about, there have been whispers of a rebellion.” 

Jongin stares at her, shocked. This is not the first time he’s heard rumors of a rebellion brewing, but he had always dismissed them as hearsay. Seeing that the council has deemed an investigation gives the rumors weight, and he’s not sure how to feel about that. “Yes, Master Boa. When do I leave?” 

“Your partner will brief you,” she says, nodding to the doors behind Jongin. “I believe he is outside, waiting. You are dismissed, Knight Jongin. Keep us informed of your progress, and may the Force be with you.” 

There are three bright spots in the Force behind Jongin. Kyungsoo, and then the two guards. Jongin’s heart catches in his throat. His first mission and unless, for some reason, one of the guards is to accompany him… Kyungsoo is to be his partner. He bows quickly, then exits the council chambers as fast as he can. 

Kyungsoo is waiting outside, just as Boa had said. “We’re leaving tonight,” he says, smiling. “Glad to have you by my side, partner.” 

“You knew?” Jongin asks. “How? When?” 

“I had to give the council a report as soon as I returned from the Outer Regions, and they told me they were planning on sending me out again as soon as you were knighted. Keeping it a secret was… difficult, to say the least.” 

Jongin blinks, stunned. “Wow,” he says. “This is real, then, huh?” It kind of feels too good to be true, if Jongin’s being honest. 

Kyungsoo laughs. “It’s real. You excited?” 

“Of course I am,” Jongin says. “I’m going with you.”

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/syrazes)!
> 
> i really enjoyed writing this fic; it's the first fic i've written and completed in about two years, and i am proud of that milestone. kaisoo was one of the first exo pairings i ficced for and they're still a favorite. there's something delightful and comforting about writing them, and i hope people who have read it feel the same way ♡


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